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How many relationships stay together after an abortion?

You’re in love. Your partner is everything you could ever want and more. Your relationship is perfect and your future together looks crystal clear…Until the unexpected pregnancy happens.  

Now you don’t know what your future looks like and things suddenly become more complicated and harder than they ever were before. 

Now you’re faced with real decisions to make about your future. And things with your partner have become less and less romantic.

You’re considering an abortion to be sure nothing comes between you and your partner. But you’re wondering if you make this decision, is it promised that your relationship will last? Here’s what you need to know about how an abortion affects your relationship.

Having an abortion for your partner won’t save your relationship.

Maybe your biggest concern with your pregnancy is whether your partner will leave you if you choose to keep the pregnancy. The truth is, whether or not you stay together depends on the quality of your relationship, not the presence or absence of a child.  

If you don’t have a healthy relationship, the security of your relationship is unpredictable. 

Don’t ever choose an abortion because you’re afraid he will leave you if you don’t.  

Ask yourself, “which decision am I more likely to regret down the road – choosing to end a pregnancy or choosing my boyfriend?”  

Remember, you’re in control of your pregnancy decision, you are not in control of keeping your relationship. Having an abortion for your partner will never be the answer to saving your relationship.

Will having an abortion hurt my relationship?

Abortion may seem like the perfect fix to this unexpected situation, but the truth is an abortion won’t fix all of your problems. It might only magnify them. 

A study by deVeber Institute found that nearly 50% of relationships experienced significant changes after an abortion. Relationships were reported to be a lot harder, with more conflict and less mutual trust. What are some of these things that make relationships after an abortion hard? 

Mental Health

Every woman experiences an abortion differently. Some feel relief, and some feel great grief, anxiety, and depression, whether immediately after or years down the road. A study by Cambridge University shows that women who have an abortion are 81% more likely to experience mental health problems. 

Unmarried women have reported significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression after abortion.

It is not certain how you both will feel after an abortion. Guilt, whether from you or your partner, can create blame and lead to a breakdown of communication and intimacy. This can leave both of you feeling disconnected from each other and unsupported. 

Built up resentment

Choosing an abortion for your partner can lead to built-up resentment. Built-up resentment can quickly create tension and negative feelings towards one another. Whether the choice of abortion is mutual or not, it always affects more than just you. 

If you choose an abortion for your partner, you may feel anger or betrayal towards him afterwards. If you have an abortion without the knowledge of your partner, he may feel a loss of control and pride. Both of these situations are breeding grounds for resentment. 

Harboring resentment can seep out in unexpected ways. This might look like frustration or anger, less empathy, or emotional withdrawal. Resentment never builds up your relationship, it only tears it apart.

Quality of the relationship

The quality of the relationship deeply affects the direction your relationship takes.

If you have a supportive and stable relationship, coping with abortion may be more bearable. Relationships that are already complicated or experiencing disconnect have a greater likelihood of experiencing worse depression, conflict, sexual dysfunction, and breakups. 

Not all relationships end after an abortion, many couples work hard to make it through their differences and stay together. It just takes a lot of work and time. 

It’s also important to note that if your relationship is already having problems, the likelihood of your relationship being fixed by an abortion is very unlikely.

It’s also important to note that abortion may not affect only your relationship with your partner but your family, friends, and potential future relationships as well.

What will ensure my relationship will last?

The only way you can be sure you and your partner will stay together is if you have a healthy relationship. And sometimes even healthy relationships come to a mutual ending.  

Talk to your partner and discuss your fears about your relationship. Discuss where you see the relationship going. Try to come to a mutual agreement on what to do about your pregnancy. 

Know your options

No matter how it feels, abortion is not your only option. You have three options when you find out you’re pregnant.  

  1. Parenting 
  2. Adoption 
  3. Abortion 

It’s important to thoroughly consider each option and what might be best for you. 

This decision doesn’t have to be made from a place of fear, and you don’t have to make this decision alone. We would love to be a listening ear and offer the necessary information to make a decision you won’t regret.  

At Care Net of Puget Sound, we provide FREE pregnancy options consultations, pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, and other services, with no insurance required.

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