When a woman who has lost a child through abortion acknowledges that there was indeed a real life, she still may not understand the importance of walking through a healing and grieving process. Keeping the secret tucked away is common. The very mention of the word “abortion” often brings a physical and emotional reaction to most women who have been through one. Perhaps this reaction is just the first hint that they have never emotionally recovered and need to grieve.
“Abortion choices create a situation of disenfranchised grief in women’s lives. Disenfranchised grief is grief experienced by an individual that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly observed. The loss experienced is real, but survivors are not accorded the “right to grieve” by anyone around them.
“A common effect of disenfranchised grief is depression, manifesting itself in small periods of sadness or more full-blown stints of depression. These periods may be accompanied by crying spells and low times of “blue” days.
“Unprocessed grief can also cause people to “stay stuck” in anger without even realizing the source of their anger. Not connecting the depression with the unprocessed grief surrounding an abortion choice is typical.
“It is this tension of emotions — relief and sadness — that disrupts a woman’s overall life and well-being. Unless she finds a safe place to talk and cry, she will probably live her life with a mask on, keeping her secret neatly tucked away out of fear, condemnation or invalidation.”
By Family Therapist, Trudy M. Johnson
In the Bible verse John 11:34, we see the demonstration of the life-giving value Jesus put on grieving after death. He wept with Mary and Martha after Lazarus died, asking the two women, “Where have you laid him?” He then went with them to the tomb and there he demonstrated God’s glory right before their eyes. Abortion ends a life, and it also wounds the soul forever. All that pain, tucked away and suppressed, finds a way to leak out into other areas. So often people don’t make the connection and suffer in silence for way too long. You don’t have to do it alone.
If you would like more information on how you can begin your healing, please email [email protected] or call (253) 272-1818. All calls and emails are confidential.